People will use all kinds of self-motivation techniques to amp up their productivity at work. Some choose to focus on their long-term life goals, others get motivated through passion—sometimes, in the form of a work crush.
But, is having romantic feelings towards a coworker something harmless? Or, could it actually bring the team down as it might cause things such as discomfort and awkwardness around the workplace?
Know your whys
As much as love is a natural thing that happens to anyone, crushes, especially those you have on people you just met or don’t actually know that well, have their own scientific reasonings.
Here are three facts about crushers as shared by Stephanie Cacioppo, an assistant professor of psychiatry and behavioral neuroscience at the University of Chicago:
- Crushes and love interests have biological similarities
- Both feelings of a crush and feelings of love release the same mood-boosting hormones, dopamine and oxytocin, to the brain.
- When you see a potential mate, whether it’s a total stranger, an acquaintance, or a partner, your brain also activates its cognitive network, the region that holds our past experiences, preferences, and self-image.
- You can’t control when you get a crush, but you can take measures to stop it
- Crushes feel like uncontrollable urges because they happen more quickly than falling in love.
- Maintenance of a crush can be stopped with strong willpower from the frontal lobe, meditation, discipline, and practice.
- When you start to rely on a person IRL, a crush can cross into romantic territory
- If you begin to have shared, in-person experiences with your crush, an attachment system is created.
- A relationship is then established and the body and brain can react differently, like feeling sad or alone when that person is physically absent.
Read more of Cacioppo’s thoughts and observations on how crushes work here.
Know your limits
According to a recent Zety study, 89% of workers admit being attracted to a co-worker and 58% admitted to having dated a co-worker in the past. The high intensity of interactions might have caused this spark, but what should you consider before taking it to the next level?
Do:
- Know the many risks of getting involved with someone at work
- Familiarize yourself with your company’s policies – and the rationale behind them
- Talk through what you’ll do if the relationship doesn’t work out
Don’t:
- Pursue a coworker if you’re not serious about a relationship
- Date someone who you have a reporting relationship with
- Try to hide the relationship from your manager or colleagues – it will only erode trust
Check out the full HBR article here to find case studies of office romance and what you can learn from them.
Know your rights
In an office romance situation, there will be two main characters: the one who’s crushing and the one who’s being crushed on. What happens when you’re the crush, and it makes you feel uncomfortable?
First of all, you need to understand that flirting at work is unprofessional when it:
- Creates an uncomfortable or hostile work environment for others
- Interferes with your performance
- Results in favoritism and unfair treatment
- Creates the appearance of impropriety
- Violates company policies or rules
If you experience any, or God forbid, all of the above, here are some steps you can take:
- Reach out to friendsIf you’re not sure someone is flirting but it makes you uncomfortable anyways, talk to you peers and ask for their advice to figure it out.
- Discuss with supervisor/managerWhen it gets overwhelming, consider asking for a different assignment or a transfer away from the person who is flirting with you.
- Report to HRIf it escalates to a more serious issue that borders assault, talk to your human resources department or someone in management.
- Contact a lawyerIf you’re being harassed, it can be hard to know where to turn. The best thing to do is contact a lawyer who specializes in sexual harassment cases.
Equip yourself with more ways to deal with flirting at work by reading the full article here.
