How not to shut down even when things get overwhelming 😪

Image source: lifexchangesolutions.com

As humans, we grow up learning from various situations by observing the different ways that people react to things. From there, we pick apart the ones we think are suitable and come up with our own coping mechanisms.

For those who aren’t so lucky to be surrounded by the healthiest environment, they could end up with destructive responses to uncomfortable situations, including shutting others down and resorting to emotional withdrawal.

What does emotional shut-down look like?

Shutting down from others hinders connection, trust and intimacy in relationships. This applies not only in life in general but also at work. You may not have noticed it before, but here are the signs that someone might struggle with emotional shut-down:

Refusing to talk about certain topics.
Distracting themselves with other tasks.
Leaving the situation and avoiding related parties.
Not responding when others try to start a conversation with them.

There are many other examples of how one could pull themselves emotionally from the team when facing an unwanted situation, the above are just some common examples.

Find more signs of emotional shut-down in the Instagram post here, and use it to identify it not only in others but in yourself as well.

Why do I keep shutting people off?

Emotional withdrawal or emotional detachment is a term that is commonly used to describe those who shut down emotionally when dealing with major situations. They pull back emotionally or physically by bottling up their feelings or disconnecting from others.

Though it is a very complex and unique situation, there are 6 common factors that can cause this unproductive tendency:

Fear. You may be afraid to voice your desires and needs to those around you out of fear of being rejected. Instead, you withdraw.
Overwhelming emotion. People who experience dealing with emotions very strongly often experience emotional exhaustion, leading to the desire to withdraw.
Anger. Oftentimes, people hide their anger because they don’t want to deal with the root cause. Suppressed anger can often result in withdrawal.
Desire to be pursued. Some people tend to shut down, hoping that others will reach out to them. This can be rooted in insecure patterns of attachment.
External influences. Shutting down can be a response to feeling overworked and being under insurmountable pressure. In this instance, it is a survival tactic.
Childhood trauma. Most of a child’s emotion management skills come from their guardian. If the guardian was emotionally withdrawn, this could be passed down.

Learn more about these possible causes, including the effects of shutting down and withdrawing emotionally in the full Regain article here.

Shutting it down with emotional intelligence

Whether you tend to close off because of fear or other causes, one great tool that you can use to combat it is with emotional intelligence (EQ).

The goal with enhancing your EQ is to observe your thoughts and actions in a conscious way, so that you’re able to identify and authentically communicate what you’re really feeling, wanting and needing—at any given time.

Here is a 6-step process that you can follow to improve your EQ, avoid shutting down, and feel connected to those around you:

Step #1. Feel it and be okay with it. Allow the emotions that are coming up when a certain topic is brought up, so you can avoid the instant defensive reaction.
Step #2. Watch yourself. Instead of blindly believing your thoughts, observe them so you can easily recognize when your brain makes up a story that’s untrue.
Step #3. Bring your thoughts back. Go back to why you become emotional in that moment. Ask yourself, “What is affecting me right now?”
Step #4. Notice what you assumed. This is where you review what you said, what they said, and what you felt, and find out what you are assuming right now.
Step #5. Ask yourself key questions. “What hurt?”, “What do you want from this person or experience?”, “What didn’t feel right for you?”.
Step #6. Connection and curiosity. Declare to yourself that you’re more committed to connecting then disconnecting. Be receptive for mutual understanding.