You might have seen our previous post about dealing with difficult personalities at work. If not, take a look here. If you have, let’s dive deeper into one of the most valuable tips from the post: practicing active listening.
What is active listening, actually?
Listening is a skill that goes beyond simply hearing what someone is saying. Unlike hearing, listening is active, intentional, and requires effort. It involves three stages:
- Paying attention to the relevant aspects of the conversation.
- Interpreting and evaluating the content of the conversation.
- Showing that you have been listening.
To truly make the speaker feel heard, the third stage is paramount.
Let’s show them that you have been listening!
- Nonverbal cues: Your body language speaks volumes! Lean forward, nod, make eye contact, and use appropriate facial expressions like smiling or furrowing your brows to show you’re fully engaged.
- Paralinguistic signs: It’s not just what you say, but how you say it! Match the speaker’s tone and style, and use verbal cues like “uh-huh” or “hmm” to let them know you’re tuned in.
- Verbal behaviors: Show that you truly understand by paraphrasing, asking clarifying questions, reflecting, and summarizing what was said. These active listening techniques can help you build trust, rapport, and stronger connections in all areas of your life.
Unlock the Power of Verbal Behaviors in Active Listening
That’s why it’s crucial to rely on reliable listening cues which can be expressed by:
- Paraphrasing: Express the same idea using different words in a more concise manner. The benefits of paraphrasing include testing your understanding of what the speaker said, allowing the speaker to focus on their thoughts, showing that you are trying to understand their message, and encouraging the speaker to keep talking. For example: “What I’m hearing is…”
- Clarifying: Asking the speaker to elaborate on a specific aspect of their message. This can help you better understand their point and check the accuracy of your understanding. It also gives the speaker the chance to explain their thoughts in more detail. For example: “Can you say more about…?”
- Reflecting: Involve conveying back to the speaker what they have said to indicate that you comprehend how they feel about a particular subject. The advantages of this method are that it enhances the comprehension of both feelings and substance, as well as demonstrating to the speaker that you are attempting to grasp their message and perceptions. For example: “So, you’re saying that you were feeling more frightened than angry?”
- Summarizing: Summarize involves pinpointing and linking the main ideas and emotions expressed by the speaker. Its benefit lies in assisting both the listener and speaker to recognize the most significant aspects of the speaker’s message. For example: “Let me summarize what I heard so far…”
Get a more detailed cheat sheet to be a stellar active listener here!
The Benefits of Active Listening
- It creates a sense of intimacy and trust,
- It reduces burnout and increases job satisfaction, commitment, and overall well-being in the workplace. More about this here!
- It has the power to alleviate loneliness after sharing feelings of rejection. Read more about this specific power of active listening here!
At the end, listening isn’t just about hearing words
While nonverbal cues like nodding and “uh-huh” can be helpful in the moment, it’s verbal cues like paraphrasing and thoughtful follow-up questions that really show that you’re paying attention. Not only are these cues honest expressions of listening, but they can also deepen connections and lead to greater relationship satisfaction. So, if you want to truly listen and connect with others, remember that the best way to listen is actually expressed through ‘speaking’.